tarynitup

For a long time, I’ve walked along the line of falling into the hole of wallowing and telling myself that I’m the person that they meet that shows them how to make it to the next chapter of their life where they’ll meet the person they’re meant to, and I used to truly hate that I felt like that. At times, I still get upset about it.

But recently, as more of these situations present themselves, I’ve realized that I spoke of it as a bad thing because it hurt me that I would care for these people that came into my life, I watched them grow, and they would move on… and it would trigger my own insecurities about always being left… but never enough to want to hold them back from moving on.

And for years, that help was something I held closer to me, giving it out to people that “earned” it and avoiding the people that made me feel like they earned it were the exact people I needed to stop giving it to… and after holding something for a while not knowing what to do with it, I realized that I felt a lot better about it when I was helping people that wanted to be helped… even if that meant they were going to leave each time.

To feel the freedom of letting my inner voice be heard and stop worrying about how the truth is going to sound is a feeling that I can’t describe into words and I was so mad that how I explain things and observe things made me a “stepping stone” in peoples lives… but how amazing is it that not only did I survive all of the things the devil sent to destroy me, but now I get to help someone avoid taking a trip to hell to learn what I can hopefully explain to them?

People say that you shouldn’t share your light with people that don’t deserve it… but maybe that’s where we’re going wrong. Maybe the people that need it the most are the ones that don’t LOOK like they deserve it… but underneath that pain is still a person. You can share your light without draining it and all you have to do is show them there’s another way to live than the way they’re deciding to.

95% of the people in my life will move on and not be a part of my life the same way anymore.. and where that would usually hurt me to the point of deflection, it now puts me in a place of gratitude because I get to watch them avoid the battles I did and the months lost because I had to figure out every nook and cranny of rock bottom.

People will leave, that’s just life. Things don’t work out how we plan them to and the best things come from what we’re not expecting.