tarynitup

And I’m thankful for it. It’s something that takes up time in my day and distracts me from all of this.

Outside of work, I talked to no one besides my kids and my mom. No friends, no Cory, nobody I even disliked. My social media is turned off because I don’t even feel like a person. It’s how I feel my life is.

Deactivated.

I’m in so much pain, I hold my breath and don’t realize it until my head starts to hurt. It’s like if I’m breathing, the pain is worse. I’m constantly having to stop working because I’m so sick to my stomach. I was constantly told how I was failing and when I tried a different way because I was desperate to not fail, it backfired. I was told how stupid I was, “they said this about you, why do you care”, and they weren’t going to help me because they didn’t agree or think it would matter.

I’ve been begging for someone to have my back. I’ve been begging to be believed. I’ve been begging to be wanted by someone that can go 2 days without speaking to me, and I’ve been adding pain on top of ignored pain… and I’m suffocating. I got tired of people being able to tell by my smiles on my Snapchat, so I quit posting. Telling someone you’re back with someone and then the next time they ask how everything is going with us, having to tell them they left again… it’s not easy.

Did they expect my determination to stop once they told me I was just failing?