tarynitup

Some songs still rip me apart… woke up in love being one of them.

The song that played when someone asked me to finally be their girlfriend… after telling me for 4 months they weren’t ready to be exclusive. I’m sorry, but saying “I’m not ready to make you my girlfriend” is saying “I’m not ready to be exclusive” and find me any person that thinks saying “I’m not talking to anyone else” ONE time and saying “I’m not ready” for months after that IS YOU WANTING TO BE EXCLUSIVE.

I was planning on walking away after that festival. I had given up.

I was going to leave in February.. then BAM- Cali Vibes.

I hammered the last nail in the coffin, and BAM- the words of the feelings they felt.

Why did it take me pulling back to get what I needed?

At one point, I had a wedding date… in 2015. I left in 2020.. never married. Begged for years for them to talk to me- tried to prove my worth but forgiving a life changing mistake… just to be ignored until I walked away.

I beg to not get to the point of where I’m the one that walks away…

I will fight your hardest battles with you, but throw me away enough and I will walk away during your lowest time- there is no in between because I love SO hard.

No, I’ve never still loved someone and decided I couldn’t be with them. I don’t give up on who I love. Maybe I should, but I don’t. When you stop getting paragraphs from me.. when you stop hearing about why I miss you or how I don’t understand.. when you start to have to question if I’d be there for you if you needed me when I’ve stopped everything for you.. when I realize how I truly left something temporary for someone I thought would be permanent and how they left someone that cared about them a lot to find someone better and they call you her name and I say NOTHING to you about it…. I’m done. There is 1 person that could come back into my life and hold true accountability and they would have a possible chance- and I don’t think everyone would guess the correct answer on who it is.

I want to feel noticed before I’m leaving because I feel ignored.