tarynitup

I was already nervous about going into an office full of women.

Adding becoming roommates with my boss didn’t help.

Add that my other 2 counter parts are way young and once they became besties, became bullies but crying out that theyre being personally attacked when asked for accountability- and one got waitlisted for PA school and mentally checked out and doesn’t care about anything.

I got promoted before my 3 month probation period was over. And it changed all of the relationships in the office and where we were a close group of 3, it was 2 and then me.

Getting sent to Keller a few times (I offered when I got drunk at our work outing but I’m not mad about it) gives me a break… but I have to drive right by where the core of my daily pain is after yet another night of dreams I can’t wake up from.

I’ve never prayed for pain to go away. I’ve never begged for God to make it stop.

Until now.

And it just doesn’t. No matter how hard I try. What I do.

Some days I really think I imagined it all. I would have been in a relationship by now, probably a couple to be honest.

My boundaries are short, I’m quick to cut someone off, and I’m becoming someone I don’t recognize anymore.

My dad back in town, for the first time in my life- I’m not hurting about it.

Please don’t let this take that long too. This is destroying me from the inside out.