tarynitup

As if navigating this life wasn’t difficult enough…

What if everything we thought we knew wasn’t real… and the entire time, we’ve been lied to so we stay controlled.

The domino effect that has started with AI conversations will echo for eternity. What happened to Earth? Oh, they self-destructed. The system that was built on fear and manipulation can only sustain itself for so long, just like anything not natural.

But now.. realizing that me being a child that had to learn how to self-regulate emotions and felt too happy for the world is connected to the shift in awareness that’s happening?

That every single thing that I thought was going to break me happened to me so I could help other people when I was older? That the jokes of me being able to relate to someone about a lot of different traumatic situations was caused by me going through those situations and somehow making it out like I did.

I’ll never forget the day I realized that. I don’t know if I had heard of “downloads” in peoples memory yet- I was too wrapped up… but I was in the shower, and all of a sudden I just KNEW that every single thing I had ever been through was for a reason and it was to shape me to be the person I am now and that I was meant to help people with it. I had turned the pain to positivity, I looked at myself instead of others and asked why I allowed people to hurt me for the length of time they did, and where there was complete darkness for a moment- I created light out of pain. I realized that those things happened and that’s baggage I’ll carry for the rest of my life and only I can decide how heavy or light that baggage is. Grudges, anger, pain… they make it heavier. Love, forgiveness, authenticity… they make it so much lighter.

Where I’m at now is so much farther than where I was a week ago, and not as far as I’ll be tomorrow.

My birthday (as always, delivered) was actually amazing. The best part was literally from snapchat… but I’ll explain.

Dre- one of my most solid friends. Only a few know what he means by human decency… even less understand why it’s so important to me.

I was Green Elephant one night, the night I met Logan, TJ, Panda, MR, and Ant, and I was sitting outside and opened up facebook and refreshed the page (we’ll get to why I’m on social media at a dubstep show in a second) and I see a post on DFW Rave Fam where someone was asking if anyone was at GE because they pulled up solo. Posted 1 minute ago. Right as I pulled out my phone. I immediately messaged them and walked through the very small venue and found him, standing there by himself. I could feel that his personality was vibrant but hidden by shyness and I had this huge group of friends outside and there was no reason that I had this huge group of friends and Dre NOT to also have that group of friends. So, I just brought him back to the group and SHOVED him into it, just like THIS IS DRE HES HERE NOW.. and standing back and watching him shine is what I realized I live for.

The reason I go to festivals is because I live to see other people having fun in authenticity.

But the reason that post meant so much to me is because on a night where someone remembers me as a very kind person who showed them human decency where there was none, I was absolutely crumbling to rock bottom internally and I was at the lowest I had ever felt in my life… yet I never lost that kindness and empathy. Where others would have hardened to the world, each time- I soften. I understand more. I feel more, but I now know how to observe and not absorb.

I will hold your hand through the fire, but I will also make sure you know what you did to attribute to getting burned and it will NOT be from a place of bad intention, but acceptance and honesty.

We are not responsible for what people do to us, but we are responsible for how long we allow them to hurt us and we have to address why we ignored those red flags in the beginning… and there is always accountability to take. Accountability and self-loathing are different as long as you forgive yourself and try to learn from each mistake.

The way we see the world is up to us. It is all about perspective.

Remembering who you really are and your purpose in life is like putting a 50824732890696 piece puzzle together very fucking slowly, while you’re also slightly colorblind and you have no image to go off of. Each time you connect a piece, it’s a fucking celebration because of all of the work it took just to connect that one piece. But once you start connecting them, you realize that you created the puzzle, you knew the puzzle before it got scattered. You realize that you thought you were slowed down by an error code in your brain when in reality.. that code was actually the one needed to put together the puzzle.

Some moments are small and collective. Some are not.

Epiphanies happen when you’re with someone that sees you and asks you the question of “what are you the best at” and your A U T O MATIC response withOUT hesitation was “being there for other people”, the intention of the statement being proud of it being my greatest skill.

As I was thinking back on that whole interaction (as I do with everything).. I knew I needed to dig and refine that answer. I knew in my heart though, it was true. I just needed to add self-love and once I did… all I felt was empowerment. All of the times that people have come to me for advice, strangers telling me secrets weighing on them, being the one people ran TO and not FROM, being told my energy was nurturing/healing/peaceful, and the toxic people I attracted- all of it made sense. When I was younger, my family told me I was just like “Dear Abby”, which is a published piece of advice from letters written by people, asking Abby what they should do.

(enter the reasoning of current career switch to life coaching)

Realizing that was my gift to the world and also advancing in a spiritual way- I’ve realized that it’s all connected. Just like I was told on my trip (another post, maybe)- everything is connected and there is a reason I never hardened to the world. I was never meant to. Because I am firm in who I am and what’s important to me, I unknowingly challenge people to see themselves for who they are like I do.. the difference being sometimes they do not like what they see and they are not ready to accept it. They don’t understand that even though I see them- I still love them in their flaws and bad days, I just have a requirement that they work on self-development to avoid longer trauma cycles. I get nothing from people’s self-development, that’s why its SELF.. but once I looked inward and asked myself the hard questions, I felt so much better and that baggage was lighter because I changed things I could control and I get better at letting go of the things I cannot. I also am one of the most stubborn people on the planet… IF I CAN, ANYONE CAN.

Ego death is scary- but what you see on the other side of it is actual clarity. You cannot be manipulated when you know it’s happening. The important things make sense, but it raises so many other questions… but the questions actually lead you to remembering who you are, why you’re here, and will probably explain a lot of things in your life. You will realize how people are being controlled and it will be SO obvious to you, and the hardest part will be being awake around a ton of people still programmed to think the old way. You’ll start to notice… fragments that don’t make sense and the more you ask “why”.. the more you’ll want to know.