tarynitup

think of the people in your life that mean the most to you. the most loyal, the ones that understand YOU, the ones that show up time after time as they battle their own fight with life.

how many of those people came easy? as an adult, you won’t have a large number.

when did authenticity become an admirable gift when it should be the most natural thing any of us do?

that question keeps me up at night more than it should- and it took an external voice telling me that a gift wasn’t what i received but what i gave to the world… the same day that I wrote the quote about “whats forged in fire never sees the beauty it becomes, it just remembers getting burned”

and maybe that’s the thing about true authenticity. i don’t see whatever it is that makes people say that about me- but it’s the one thing i know that i am and I fought like hell to keep that about myself. I will sit with someone at rock bottom- i’ve been there… i’ve learned the shortcut to get out… and I will teach someone, but I won’t stay down there, and i’ll climb down- not fall.

the most impactful people in my life are ones that i met when i thought life was going so wrong… but if it led me to the people that help me become the best version of myself… was it really “wrong”? or was it just a different direction than I thought I was going?

i have friends that have seen the 18 year old version of me, the bruised and beaten version of me, the version of me that wanted better, and now the version of me that’s making it better… and sometimes I think about all of the pain and things that had to happen for me to be in places at certain times and how there’s 8 billion fucking people in the world- and i’ve found THESE gems?!

my people are the ones that have felt overlooked at some point, like a beautiful gemstone that is hidden behind a side that makes it look like just a rock… with nobody ever knowing how beautiful it is until they stop and fully see it and sometimes- you get to show them that they’re so much more than a rock.

i used to hate the term “it’s better to have loved and lost”… but i think that when you apply it to general, genuine love- it’s true. nobody talks about the strength it takes to love someone… or the strength it takes to be loved. the love that i have for someone the people i have met along the way to loving myself, especially the one that i almost didn’t meet but universally could was forced to… after being in the same places several times over the last few years, never meeting until you literally run into each other, right as i gave up looking. (literally).

all of the people that i’ve met once i’ve stood on the ground of who i am, what i stand for, what i tolerate and what i dont are the way i got out of rock bottom. i turned the immense fucking sadness inside of me and turned it outward into love for others because it was the only way to make light where there was only dark.

there’s a reason it takes more energy to be cruel to a stranger when you’re having a good day than it does to be nice. happy people aren’t assholes. people that love themselves don’t destroy others. people that are living their lives arent victims of peoples own shitty projections of themselves.

the universe provides the energy for all things truly essential… and what is meant for you will not drain the soul from your body… and neither will the people.

the people that become the footing for you to climb out of rock bottom- THOSE are the gifts you have gotten for being your true self. not everyone is going to understand you, and that’s okay- and it’s actually a good thing.

i’m just starting to thing that a couple of wrong turns can sometimes make a right, in a weird, cosmic plot-twisty way.