tarynitup

Lately, I haven’t written as much as I usually have over the last 4 years.

first- let’s acknowledge that I- this person that thought I had no gift or special ability and have the attention span of a peanut- have consistently blogged about my feelings for 4 years… on a public page. i’ll high-five myself, trust me I’m proud… but there’s a few things I want to say about my blog- not trauma related (as much) and something I just want out here.

1. to anyone that actually subscribed to this shit show- thank you. i don’t know why you did, and if you relate to anything i’ve gone through- i’m sorry. shit sucks sometimes… but we get through it.
2. my blog is a series of stories from my own life- happening in real time. it wasn’t anything I’ve thought much about because it’s been just something I did, never told many people about. the story only (usually) makes full sense with context if you start from the beginning, with the exception thrown in here or there.
3. my drafts are being reposted, and i’m not emailing the subscribers because i’ve already emailed those notifications out, and i’m not going to spam you with over 130 notifications at once about how i’ve got a new post. there are more drafts than published posts, and that’s because i thought i started to write for the wrong reason.. when in reality, i was scared of being vulnerable and pulled some of my best posts before anyone else could know anything about me.
4. as i’m redoing my post- the names are changing. there are different things that are happening with me and possibly this blog- and even though we all know my feelings on them, i’m going to respect their privacy and change the names to something that will only make sense to me- but will be consistent. the stories are all true- the names will not be.
5. in no way am i close to being done healing, but i don’t know how that long will be until i get there, but as much as i talk about what i go through- i’ve had so many good moments the last 4 years… and i’ve written about a lot of pain and a person that didn’t ever deserve my time.

i’m coming up on my 36th birthday, and the first one without my dad. i’ve been stuck in my head but haven’t been writing, so starting here is better than nowhere.

-t.