tarynitup

When we were kids, our opinions (mostly) were encouraged. “Opinions aren’t wrong, because they’re opinions.” When did we stop teaching this… when did we stop making this an important topic to talk about? We are all so focused on right vs. wrong that we can’t see that some situations aren’t right OR wrong, they just are.

I think that after people hurt so much, whether it’s over family, significant other, friends… we go one of a few ways. NEITHER are right or wrong.

Take 2 people. Same gender, different gender… doesn’t matter. I think the age matters, just because of the generation, but 2 people. Very similar childhoods/backgrounds. 90% of the time, those 2 people go in different directions. One person will run to solitutude, hiding behind the excuse that everyone leaves, and that’s why you can’t get close to anyone… ever. They push people away, raise their standards to an unreachable expectation, look down on people in relationships because “why do you need one.” That is fine.

Take that same childhood/background and apply it to the 2nd person. They, however, are the opposite. They are aware of the pain in their heart, the pain that shoots through their body at random times throughout the day, bouncing off the empty walls of what used to be an emotional support lining like your stomach has to protect you from bile. They are aware of the damage in their past. They are very aware that yes, most people leave… but they are also aware of how good of a feeling love is. See, both of these childhoods lacked love, attention. It lacked someone in a position where they should care the most, and that person was one of the ones who cared the least. These backgrounds teach people that you have to chase affection, chase love… because if you don’t… it walks out of the door. It could be the same person that person #2 lets back in their life time and time again after being hurt, but also them being okay with that person in their life.

So, right vs. wrong? Who’s right, who’s wrong?

IT. DOES. NOT. FUCKING. MATTER.

There is no right way or wrong way in this situation. If someone believes that being alone forever is the best thing to prevent from getting hurt, who are we to say that’s wrong? If person 2 opens their heart each time after getting hurt because they just LOVE love, who are we to say that’s wrong?

At some point, and I’m not sure when, but relationships have become less about compromise and sticking together and more about who has the upper hand. Who cares about the other one more, who notices more of the other ones behaviors, who buys more gifts, who argues more, who is ‘right’ more in arguments? We are so scared of being that left behind little kid that we put ourselves behind. We put ourselves in a trauma box because crying inside of the trauma box is a lot better than crying outside of it. We could be on the verge of starvation, and the other could bring us food and we would seriously pass out from hunger rather than giving that person the upper hand in the relationship. Yea sure, drastic… but it’s true. At the end of the day, when we really dig deep, we’re all just hurt fucking children that didn’t cope well with WHATEVER it was when we were growing up. If you watch people, you can see the childlike wonder in their faces. Some are harder to see than others, but there’s a sparkle in peoples eyes when they truly smile. The little puff of air when someone is trying to maintain composure but they find something a little funny. Shaking shoulders from holding in laughter. Curiousity.