tarynitup

all of the other pain was relieved by time, or came just shoving it out. this pain was new.

I had never felt a pain that could only be resolved by the person it existed for.

When the world got really loud and really dark, I reached out my other hand to grab onto both of yours and could only find one. It’s embarrassing to know you introduced a new anxiety to someone. Maybe you didn’t know how anxious I really was. When I couldn’t find your hand and thought I needed even just a friend companion… but when it showed up, it wasn’t what I needed. or wanted. So different than any time before, the secrets I’ve trusted you with now used against me. That’s fine. I trusted you with the words. Never did I understand the definition of what I was doing.

I just needed your other hand. This was so different than anytime before. I was hurt by not finding your other hand, but only you could make that pain go away. No friend, partner, person could make it go away but you. Even now.