tarynitup

so hurt over words, wanting a reason to think you were a mistake. why did I feel ignored again, but this time caring.. did I choose wrong, there weren’t signs like everyone else, why did I still feel so small…

why couldn’t I just tell you from the beginning- before i felt the need to hide it… the day of, without being spiteful.. or after it was very obvious that attention was elsewhere, and advice was given in an uncomfortable situation by a uncomfortable person that didn’t know what to say…

people don’t always hurt people because they disrespect or don’t love them. maybe people know they made a mistake and know that nothing even close to what the imagination thinks happened, and that imaginations run wild and they knew it was only you, but didn’t want you to know… maybe they don’t want someone sitting at home knowing the person they love is with someone else and they’re broken up and their imagination to go places it shouldn’t, but does… or maybe they didn’t want to tell you the initial reason and how they felt left behind by you because they always wanted to protect you and your feelings more than themselves…

maybe they knew it would hurt you… & they were scared to hear that the doubted indifference was true.. or maybe they were scared it wouldn’t hurt you at all…

maybe they were scared of telling you they were hurt by you… because they loved you so much and didn’t want to make you feel bad…

either way, karma comes back around and they’re faced with the same feeling they tried to protect you from- imagination going crazy as they feel less than… indifference… nobody ever talks about what the girl version of “the nice guy” is or how toxic it is to feel the need to be liked, especially when you lose your voice and feel invisible.

the “nice” girl… the stupid girl.