tarynitup

I hated that so much at first.

Idiot.

Leaving austin, we stopped at a cupcake truck. I feel so dumb now for it, but I got so excited about doing his laundry. You don’t have to have the same love language as your partner, you just have to know what it is. We also give love sometimes differently than we receive it. I think I watched to show him in all of the ways, none of them got my full 100%.

He packed the hotel room. Got the glitter out of my hair. Made sure I was able to a concert my mom pulled one of her most toxic stunts for. He remembered the Mexican food place I had never been. He used to take me to his work, I still feel bad I delivered the wrong donut. I used to wake him up by food delivery drivers ringing the doorbell haha. I loved writing him notes, he used to love my handwriting. He beamed like the sun I swear, I don’t know what it is. He got me the backpack and sunglasses I wanted for years. He used to let me lay next to him when he worked from home, never knowing how happy I was just to lay there, as long as he acknowledged me every so often. The 5 layer which is really a 4 layer burrito. He used to love me sending him singing videos to him, I miss doing that. He used to take pictures when I wasn’t looking.

I was so excited when he let me help with the boat. He used to have a painting in his room with two hands making a pinkie promise. He used to love showing me new places and used to love trying to make the holidays better. The best late night snacks, sunrises, the birds in the backyard. Forgotten wallets and eating gross steak fingers and coffee cup epiphanies at ihop. I used to try and imagine putting all my love into a cheek kiss, probably not doing much but I tried. His eye creases teased that he paid attention to the tiny things like I did, but now I see I just tried to absorb every moment, it’s unfair to expect that much from anyone.

I just had to sit there and look pretty. Too bad I was insecure and didn’t think I was pretty.