tarynitup

For a person who hated being alone… I’ve learned to quite like it.

I’ve attempted to date. Only one person making it longer than a month. Even my bloodwork showed extremely low vitamin D. (I’m actually serious, my vitamin d level was at 15 and I have to take a weekly supplement but it made for a funny joke beeecause it’s true)

I would have been in a relationship by now if I was the old me.

This version communicates. This version stands up for herself and does it respectfully.

This version also apparently has very high standards that haven’t been met yet… but unlike before- I am truly loving being alone. If it’s not the best-friend, playful, I got you, you got me, we got this, loving someone more than they’ve ever loved, safe space, bath taking, dancing, laughing, crying, vulnerable, painful, evolving, beautiful things like a one man band kind of love, I’m happy alone.

Now, I just let myself have brief moments of passing thoughts come through, like the morning of being there for me about my dad…. I always thought it was the universe, they actually just had lucky timing and someone that never said no..

But if it’s not that kind of “I love you, even the bad parts because they need love too” love, I’m good.

I have the best group of girl friends, the best daughters.

I haven’t cried in days, except for laughing.

This weekend, I’ll be in Colorado. Jessica’s birthday is this weekend and I’ve missed her a lot lately.

-xoxo