tarynitup

Reading the text right before midnight told me I made the right choice driving away from their house.

I decided to go find a drink, and I walked in at 11:56. Got the text before midnight- and I promised myself I’d never believe fake love and fake future plans again. Never will let someone in my life so they can announce not being able to wait to get me out of theirs.

They only loved me for what I did for them… and that’s not love.

I taught myself to slow down in the tense conversations. If being smarter comes off as dishonest- not my problem. Have an actual conversation instead of interrogation, haven’t they watched tv!? Don’t they know people get farther with fuckin respect? No? Ok. Cool. I’ve learned how the jumbled mess causes problems.

Threatening to break up every time a problem comes up is manipulation and a tactic to teach the other to not bring up a problem.

Ignoring the actual problem but zooming in only on the response is avoiding accountability and gaslighting.

If you’d rather say sorry after doing something than address how you were wrong- you’re not sorry.

Needing to be right so badly that you get upset if your accusations are wrong that you made up, or how it comes off as arrogance and “better than you attitude” … it’s a repellent. People can sense arrogance and nobody will try to make friends with someone that acts better than them. Intended or not- until that root problem is looked at- nothing will change.

My therapist was right. I could have never done anything wrong, but this would have happened eventually. 3 times- doing that- is not a mistake. The last time being during a break up being the biggest red flag.

I already felt bad enough about Cali. There was no need for them to bring it up to throw it in my face. They should never wonder why I jumped at the opportunity to go somewhere because I was finally invited. Even if it was MGK.

I’m at peace though. Finally. I gave it my all, even what I was terrified to give- and same result. This time, it was not me.

Happy 2024- where I finally learned to say no fucking more.