tarynitup

For a while I was wondering “why is this so confusing and scary for being so non-toxic” and then finally was like ohhhh it’s scary because it’s not toxic and that’s all you know. got it.

Nobody talks about how hard it is to care about someone or be in any kind of relationship after your emotions have been raw-dogged and all of your emotion tokens are gone. Nobody talks about how your body screams ‘run’ when someone does something good… because before the bad always comes good. ehhhhhhhhhh. wrong.

Most of my adult life, I’ve been in a relationship. This year was the longest I had gone, and I wasn’t planning or wanting anything. I understood why people swore off relationships. Small talk, bad dates, naming all of their house plans…. I’d rather stand in a never-ending line over doing any of that.

what’s your favorite color? oh cool what movies are you into? do you want to see pictures of my dog, she’s like my baby”. What’s EDM music?

We’re so conditioned after bad situations, we literally have no idea what to do in a right one. It’s like you only have one of the 5 senses and it’s taste and you’re in the desert so it’s not helpful at all and you’re just walking in the damn desert, confused as hell and scared but hoping for the best. “

them: you’re so pretty

me: i’m sorry

Some people go the opposite way and give negative shits. Both sides have pros and cons. Sometimes, love just doesn’t happen to every person that wants it. I look at it like ‘i have certain skills that could be useful if the world started to end, you’re kinda cute… we can totally do this.’

I spent so long thinking about why I was so upset about someone I hardly knew, and then one day recently it hit me.. it wasn’t the person, it was how they left. HUGE fight earlier in the day about how ‘I doubt them and think they’re going to leave at the first sign of anything bad’ and that it didn’t matter because we could talk about it and then 3 hours later WALKING OUT BECAUSE THERE WAS A MINOR INCONVIENCE AND A SMALL PROBLEM THAT NEEDED TO BE TALKED OUT. They made me feel like such an asshole for feeling that they were truly so halfway out the door and that they wouldn’t work through anything- and then turned around to do the same thing. It wasn’t the person. It was just another person doing the opposite of what they said. Sooooooo, I decided just to not talk to anybody. For over 6 months.

oh and helpful tip- don’t go back too far on ANY social media. one good picture & you’re doubting your looks for a week.