tarynitup

Growing up, people talk about love like it’s definite different stages. Your first crush is usually looked at as a puppy love. Your middle/high school relationship usually gets grouped under the young love. Think of ‘Love Story’ by Taylor Swift. Your young love starts the fire in your heart, in no way warm enough to keep it from dying, but a brief how-to before you jump into the next love phase, which is the absolute worst.

Your real love is the one that USUALLY starts late teens/early 20s. Usually, it starts fast and what we comprehend as passionate. Not saying it couldn’t be, but theres no way we could have know those relationships were the most heart ripping stepping stones we would ever walk on. The real loves usually don’t last (thank you jesus for my life), but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t pull all of your nerves and your heart out of your body from your shrinking pores. These loves usually require therapy to fix, most of the time to even get over. One is always gaslighting, narcissistic. One is always caving, trying to make it work. These relationships ARE love… but they’re also a lesson of what not to do again. Go easy on the person after a relationship like this. We are very hard to be loved due to not feeling loved in the last relationship. But once you allow us to love you and we learn to trust you, our love has no end.

Then there’s the “soul” love. I’ve been asked if I believed in the ‘one’, and I do… in this sense. I think there is one person in the world that truly reaches you to your core. Touches your heart but also helps heal the hurt parts of your soul that you don’t want to realize that are there. The one that you feel the energy shift when they walk out of a room, or when they’re about to call you. You can speak without words. You’re the left or right part to their brain. You love each other to each others very core. You accept and love the worst parts of them, just as they do with you, because all of those bad things mixed with the good things makes them this person that you see so so so much potential in. It’s the love that you fight for. It’s the love that glues your feet to the floor when you think things are out of hand and the love where you really try to remember their favorite things without knowing your own sometimes. It’s the love that truly turns your heart into a puddle in the summer, untouched because they’re careful to step around your heart. They water and point your heart to the sun like a sunflower. You watch them as they sleep because you wonder how someone could hurt so much over their demons but just, glow an energy that’s impossible to describe. The love you have to fight to stay out of the toxic zone because you could become consumed with each other, but neither of you want that, so you have to fight. These loves are the most rewarding, but you have to be in it. They’re once in a lifetime loves. They’re the ones that make you realize… “I don’t ever want to kiss another person. I don’t ever want to shower with another person. I could NEVER fart in front of another person.” They’re the ones that you realize once the castle gates are down, and you see them, you’re both home. You put your foreheads together, and the world disappears. You make them feel just as safe. You drive each other crazy. With strong love, comes stronger emotion when things don’t go smoothly. When you love someone and you just want to love them, it’s even worse than the annoying shit they usually do.

It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to not be alone. But when you choose to be alone, always look at what you lose vs. what you gain. If you give away parts of yourself that help you, you’re taking away happiness from yourself that others will notice. Then, you’re still unhappy, and you’re alone. When you find ‘soul’ love, squeeze it, boop it, christopher columbus it… because you won’t get it again.